Dr DADDY

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Nathan is Dr DADDY, and the doctor is in: Email your questions, complaints, and conundrums to dr@daddy.land to get your fix.

Dear Alex,

Why fix what’s not broken? To be happy, content, and chaste—it’s what many dream of but few can achieve. I don’t know if there’s anything particularly wrong about cruising through life with a libido running on empty. Personally, I would actually much prefer a quieter, less horny world: The things we could accomplish as a society if I could carry out my shopping without confronting the pert nipples, rippling muscles, and stellar dental hygiene of a catalogue hunk every time I start clipping coupons.

Bodies are generally okay as far as things go, and I feel like no one should be made to feel ashamed or regret because of or due to their body. This includes sex: It’s by and large fiiiiiiine to be bored by your body, and to feel like you’re not interested in exploring its nooks and crannies. At the end of the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice. Don’t listen to straight men on this one: Orgasms are cheap; satisfaction is much harder!

Hi Antoine,

I’m going to try to say this nicely because I care for you, dear Antoine, and I wish you nothing but the best: This question bores me. I can understand why you’ve asked it—it’s never fun to foot a bill we don’t want to pay–but I also wonder if both your energy and mine might be better spent elsewhere.

The concept of tribalism amongst gay men is neither new nor radical nor interesting—who is and who is not, shall we say, endowed with the legible markers of each subcategory is a mutable boundary that perpetuates all of our favourite isms: racism, classism, ableism, ageism–the list goes on!

There’s an argument to be made that gay labels and categories exist as functional and discrete categories. If nothing else, they have a lot to teach straight people. The social positioning of twinks, for example, made headlines around the world last year as the heterosexuals realized skinny people like Timothée Chalamet can be hot without cut muscle mass—quite radical, when you think about it!

There’s nothing wrong with being both pretty and fresh faced, just as there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things in life on a willing older gentleman’s dime. But there’s nothing particularly notable or, again, interesting about it either. Some people enjoy the power dynamic of older-younger dating; some people like the aesthetics; and some people–like you, dear Antoine–like the perks. However, there’s no such thing as a free lunch when it comes to love and war, and it sounds like you need to sort out what you want before you go any further. Just as you sought older men for the lifestyle they could offer, you’re now being sought after as a peddler of the same. It’s probably not about your age or your hair. The way you dress, the way you speak, even how you’ve ordered a dining set off Wayfair to replace the IKEA folding table in your kitchen—all of these are likely the same things you once scouted when trying to snag a date for the night.

I’d imagine, too, that there were men who turned you down on your daddy hunt. Maybe it’s time to follow in their footsteps this time. To lay it out more clearly: if you don’t want to be treated like daddy, dear Antoine, don’t date men who want a daddy.

Nathan Ma is a freelance writer in and around Berlin. Nathan’s an aggressive oversharer at @nathaninberlin.

Looking for #shade-free answers to real life issues?
Email Dr DADDY — because life sucks without love, sex and attention: dr@daddy.land