“the precariat…is composed of the millions of people whose personal and professional lives are being shaped by temporary, insecure and low-paid employment with few or no benefits. The precariat is meant to capture a new wage-earning working class (proletariat) defined by the precarious living and working conditions of the 21st century.”
Are you over 25*, just scraping by and you’re not, in fact, a minor character on HBO’s Girls?
Are you over 25* and living with more than three other flatmates? Are you, gulp, sharing a room?
Are you over 25* and still working an internship that doesn’t pay enough to cover your cost of living?
Over the past week, have you had an incredibly detailed dream about your job/internship/apprenticeship, so that when you wake up, you’re as exhausted as you are at the end of a work day?
Do your exes know the best way they can destroy you in one fell swoop is asking how that important work project went?
Do you sometimes worry that although you definitely work too much that you may in fact have Stockholm Syndrome and be in love with/being held hostage by your job?
Have you eaten instant noodles more than three times over the past week?
Is showering your “lunch break”?
On rewatching Reality Bites, does Winona Ryder’s recently-graduated character’s disgust with her first job as a production assistant on a national TV show bug you?
Does Charlotte York in Sex And The City‘s formerly repugnant-to-you decision to quit her gallery job to become a rich wife now sound curiously restful?
Have you stopped going to parties in favour of cultivating an intimate knowledge of Netflix’s televisual array because you’re too tired to go out?
Have you stopped leaving parties because you’re too tired, meaning you tend to wake up on strange sofas for non-ONS related reasons?
Does sitting still feel pointless?
Do you evaluate all activities based on how productive they are?
Do you sometimes have fantasies about Mad Men that aren’t based on Jon Hamm’s cheekbones or the beautiful clothing so much as the sheer visceral thrill of the idea of having your own private office AND secretary to organise the yawnsome admin side of things?
Honey, go take a nap.
*If you reside in the Hauptstadt, adjust to 30 for Berlin time-space continuum.
Now that your banging body will be hidden under layers and layers of fabric, you might as well add some extra insulation to stay warm. The added benefit is that it keeps the heating bills low, which is good for the environment. All these extra meals (especially when they’re organic) are basically your contribution to stopping climate change and saving the planet, you wonderful, selfless human being!
If your job negotiations didn’t include discussing flexible work arrangements you’re a fool! But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Come winter, “working” remotely or at least “working” from home is everyone’s dream and annoyingly, we all know people who are already living their nauseatingly envy-inducing dream lives. We’re happy for you, but also, maybe… not? Anyway, these jobs are definitely out there, but there are downsides too: You won’t get to see, hear and smell your coworkers for 40+ hours per week, and you’ll have to get through the day somehow without drinking the best coffee in town, playing ping pong or chilling on those über cool bean bag chairs (courtesy of your super edgy workplace), so think this important lifestyle change through before making this sacrifice.
Winter is so boring that you might actually stand a chance of getting shit done. Shit you should’ve done in summer when you were busy having an epic time doing things you can’t remember now. Time to finally sort out your documents, bills, finish that project or pick up a post-ironic hobby. In short, be productive. If that doesn’t sound like you then fuck it, be that grubby winter blanket, get messy weekend after weekend — and don’t let anyone shame you for it.
Everyone has a different definition of fun and pain. Some people have a jolly good time when they see their loved ones during the winter holidays. Others aren’t massively into shelling out (financially or mentally) for an underwhelming family reunion that usually opens with someone saying “You’ve gained weight” followed by “Are you pregnant?” followed by a long speech about your waning fertility.
If that’s not what you consider as having a great time, then use the money you’re saving on not having procreated and splash it all out on a ridiculously overpriced trip abroad. It’s not like you’re going to enter the housing market anytime soon anyway, so you might as well shorten winter by going on a holiday with people who are actually fun to be around with — and then return to the city with a big smile on your bronzed face because spring is finally within reach.
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